1/13 - 1/19.2003 -

1/13.2003

I wrote an essay this morning. I dropped my music class on Friday out of faith that I will get into English 100F. In the end it may bite me in the ass when I’m left in waitlisted purgatory for the entire semester, but you only die once.

1/15.2003

I go to the literary reading at Café Roma. Christian, Chuck, and Kristen read. Jodi Angel hosts. She did a bit about Vegas and gambling. Her best move was when out of nowhere she says two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. And then repeated it. It was so random it was genius. Christian did a great reading. Full of so much variety. Although truth be told I think his best work was his comedic stuff. I enjoyed his air line magazine bit about all the cool stuff people make and sell in catalogs that only madmen buy. Chuck read with quick intensity. He was either nervous or wanted to get as many lines of poetry into one breath as possible; to match the frantic energy of the poem. I’ve noticed he has this habit of slapping himself in the stomach. I’ve only seen George C. Scott do it as Gen. 'Buck' Turgidson in Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Chuck does it in class and I swear you can tell when he hasn’t eaten because there is more of an echo in the thud. And it sounds different when he’s wearing a sweater. The subtleties of stomach slapping are aplenty. Kristen read a story about a nurse in Alaska. She seemed very nervous and quit like she doesn’t do this often. At the reading I sat by Jay from class. I told about Write Club and how I want to start a literary reading club for undergraduates on campus. He sad he would come to. Jay seems like a nice guy. Very generous he offered me some of the cake he brought to the reading. I saw Ginny and Helina. Two of my TA’s from last quarter. Very lovely and exciting woman. They are very approachable but they seem like just big kids to me. Like there isn’t much difference between them and me on the maturity level, but then I know that’s not true. Every woman is more mature than me. Helina always seems a little nervous around me. I think a lot of people are frightened of me. I have that type of personality. Of course the stuff that she read that was by me kind of puts some people off, hell most people. But she seems like a good sport. Ginny has a manic attitude about herself. She seems like when she’s up is up, but when she is down she probably gets really down. I saw Jennifer from class show up at 7:30. She stood across the room and smiled a lot. I looked her way almost as often as I did the stage. She just has a presence about her, and a beauty of course.

1/18.2003

I go this party Friday night. I park outside at 8:30 because I was told Friday night but no one told me what time. I’ve only been to one other party on college. I see that no one is really there so I sit out n my car and read Kafka for an hour. Then at 9:30 I go in. I’m the one of the first 3 people to show up. So the girls throwing the part – Diana, Sophie, Megan, and Becca are still setting up. They haven’t even started playing music yet. I stand in the kitchen with them while they do the dishes. I’m so pathetic that I actually wore a shirt with my name on it. Sophie read a portion of my story This Is Not A Johnny Cash Song. I don’t know what part Diana showed her. Probably the rape scene. I know I probably end up in people’s nightmares if they put my face on my character’s. I meet so many people and start drinking beer. The whole night Megan and Sophie keep checking to see if the Jello shots are ready. Early on they start playing The Misfits, one of my favorite bands of all time. I only knew Diana so when she went to her room for about 10 minutes I felt list. I wondered around the house looking at their Zen garden in a fish tank. Then more people started coming in. They passed out nametags. Maurice tears a whole in mine so it just reads Hello my name is And then my shirt says robroy. Then I proceeded to get drunk. Dance, say crazy things, entertain everyone at the party. Win a boat race. Smoke out with Mischa and Geoff. Dance with Diana and promise to write her poem. Meet a bunch of girls. And then I stumbled out at 2 something and slept in my car.

1/19.2003-1/20.2003

I went and saw so many movies this weekend. I’m such an escapist. If I’m going to go out, I go see a movie. I see movies when I’m alone, too often. So then if a friend refers to the film I talk about how I’ve seen it. But then if they are going to see it they don’t invite me. I don’t think I know how to function in society yet.

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