2003-04-02 - 3:21 a.m.

So we last left our wonderful protagonist (that's right - me) at the computer lab in the memorial union of UC davis on a Monday night. Kristin called me and said that she could take my picture, as i mentioned that I needed a poster for Write Club to hang in the m. U. I went over to the Unitrans office where Kristin works and she took my picture, well - a few pictures, with a digital camera. then i watched her put my eccentric mug on the computer screen and then trace over it and do the drawn out process of replicating and interpreting my face. I think my crazy hair-do definitely added to the picture. Kristin was an artist capturing the art of my persona. Then we hung out there for about an hour and a half and left. Kristin, Grace, and i drove to In & out listening to Depeche mode. Kristin can't get over the fact that Depeche mode is one of my favorite bands. i really do listen to all types of music. Right not next to my computer is a a small stack of CDs i have listened to recently - in their entirety. Sepultura, Hank Williams, Public Enemy, Black Flag, Depeche Mode, Richard Wagner, Marvin Gaye, Johnny Cash, Eminem, The Who, and right now i'm listening to the Rolling Stones. A lot of people say they listen to all types of music but they lie. I listen to everything.

Kristin drops me off at my car. i get in and start driving home but then after a few miles on the freeway i decide against it and turn around. i drive up a side road back into Davis. I don't want to have to waste all the time and gas driving home. I'll just bum around in Davis. I drive to safeway to buy some soap and shampoo seeing as i need to refill the supply I keep in my car. I buy Band-Aids for work because we are completely out and no one else but me can remember. I buy a comb because i can't find mine. i buy a pack of condoms, not because i think i'll be getting any soon, but because they were on sale on even though i wasn't a boy scout - always be prepared.

Outside of the Safeway i run into Dan. I run into Dan in the craziest places. He was just at lisa's and he was on his way home. I tell him I'll see him tomorrow, which i am sure i will - because coincidence works that way.

I drive o the parking lot of ben & jerry's and reach into the back seat of my car for my blanket. i cover up my head and torso i work on going to sleep. the trains pass by, as slow and as load as the passing of time.

I wake up at 6 something in the morning. Its raining. The clouds snuck into the sky like some sort of thief in the night stealing the sun. i go back to sleep.

I wake up at 8 a.m. and don't try to fight the consciousness. I grab my safeway bags and a change of clothes and go into ben and jerry's. For some reason the doors aren’t locked. This makes me very nervousness. Not only if someone stole something, but i don't want anyone around. I lock the doors and turn on Howard Stern. Enlightenment in the FM dial. Surprise, surprise, he's interviewing a playboy playmate. Stern is very funny - when he isn't being redundant.

I strip down and get into the mop sink. I dose myself with warm water from a hose and then turn the water off. I lather myself up and wash my hair. I'm glad i have short hair and don't exercise too much. Most men won't admit it but we only shower once every three days - unless we get sweating - then we shower. Other wise you get, as the marines call it, crotch rot.

After getting all situated i park my car by Dan's and walk to school. I go to the computer lab and do work until 10:15. i walk to my first class. Viticulture [wine making]. While waiting i see my friend Sara walk up to me. She asks what class I'm waiting for. Same class as her, it turns out. Sara is a senior but she's been in college for 10 years. She graduated high school early, but is in her mid twenties and is almost at graduation.

The class seems like its going to be easy. Fuck science. give me booze. In this class you get both. Well, we don't taste wine - that's not in the required text, only the recommended. The reader costs $10 and the instructor says that all the quiz questions will come from what is in the reader and is also talked about in class. Fuck attendance. How about i don't show up for class and just do research on it.

After class I walk with Sara to get lunch. There is an affirmative action rally going on on the quad. Its a bake sale. The republicans are selling and the democrats are giving away cookies for fee. I guess one party is a bunch of whores and the other are sluts.

I run into two friends for the winter quarter, they barely recognize me with my mohawk, Two good little go fearing Christian girls that are intrigued by me. They are nice, I would have liked to talk to them but i had a class at 12:10. On my way there I nodded at Chuck and Darcy - two grad students that i had for different class last quarter and are coincidentally dating.

I walk into the classroom in Olsen 206. Its 98% full. I see a bunch of people I know. Micah, Jon, This guy from my English Class, this guy nathan from film classes and Alternative Film Club.

The instructor seems like a nice old lady. She asks the class for a show of hands of English Majors. Everyone. then for people that read poetry on occasion. Everyone. then for people that hate poetry. Only me. She didn't specify whether or not you can hate it and love it at the same time. Already I stand out, how surprising.

The instructor, Professor Gilbert, says that two of the T.A.s haven't shown up yet. I recognize Alex the T. A. from the wednesday night readings of last quarter. Eventually Chuck and Darcy walk in. They are both T.A.s for the class. I wave. I pity them - another 10 weeks of Rob Roy.

They call the role one section at a time. I'm one of the last people called. Everyone says either Here, or the name they wished to be called. When Darcy calls my name, seeing as I know her, I've drank beer with her, I say "Of Course I'm here," in a very patronizing tone.

Then professor Gilbert starts talking about poetry and how it relates to real life. she talks about music and makes a reference to advertising jingles. she asks the class to sing one because she can't think of one. one girl says a cat food one. I raise my hand and do my best dead pan comedic delivery of "i love the fishes because they are so delicious." the class laughs. She wants me to repeat it. over the course of the class she asks me to repeat it about 4 times.

We then have to write two paragraphs about ourselves. i write a whole page of funny brilliance. or at least i try. nathan, sitting next to me, asks how i can write so much. i say that whenever i'm given a forum i exploit it to the best of my abilities. I'll probably use up my life's allotment of words by the time i'm thirty and spend the rest of my days being a mute invalid. James Dean had death, i'll have idiocy.

After class i apologize to Darcy beforehand for any crazy thing i'll do over the quarter. then i ask professor Gilbert if i can make an announcement for write Club at the next class. She's amused by me because I tried my best to be funny as she talked more about jingles. i like her because i felt that she could follow along with all my parenthetical tangential jokes.

Then I walk toward the M. U. and see Kristin and Lisa sitting together. they didn't know each other until a few minutes before but the world is full of coincidences and air and water and life and death and whatever else the soul can create. Kristin goes back to work. the Lisa and i run into james. We then enter a conversation about affirmative action. This one white girl is arguing up with 4 black college students. We aren't there to help out the white girl, no matter how much we pity her. She's the dumb fool who started the argument with her funny little bake sale. But i like the political discourse that ensues.

I work to my mexican-american history class. i got the time of the class wrong and it has already started. i like the instructor but there is going to be a lot of reading. the class room reminded of me of all the times i was in the Tijuana air port - very little showing of gringos.

My hemmingway class looks like it has the ability to make genius stale. We watch a documentary on Hemmingway. A lot of reading is assigned but I'm sure old Ernie will cure me of any addiction i had to TV and probably this diaryland habit that i have formed.

I walk to the M.. U. and run into Dan talking with Aisha. As i said before about coincidences. Then Kristin shows up. i talk to aisha about the Pablo neruda book she is reading. I always try to stir up any sort of conversation with her. I'll talk about lint if i have to. Kristin asks for creative adjectives. We all try to add to her list of sublime. aisha says tentative. Dan and i spurt out random English majoresque crap. Unfortunately i have to work but i confirm my date of binge drinking with Aisha on the Quad for Wednesday.

Work is slow. I work with the boss. She's also an English major but she wants to be an editor. There are those that write and those that read. Although i read i am definitely a writer and not a reader. Reading is like watching porn when you could be fucking. But us writers need readers, just like hookers need horny men. Tina, the manager, and i talk about school and sex. What else would someone talk about with me.

kristin calls me at work to warn me about Aisha. She says she was a little uneasy about how she acted that afternoon. i tell her that she's a woman (duh.) and women like to have rivalries. She tells me to just watch out so i don't get hurt. I'm too nice of a guy to get hurt. i don't mind of I get rejected though. i appreciate Aisha for inspiring some great poetry and giving me some anxiety that pumps the life's blood. And after all hope is the foundation of disappointment. I'm a realist. She could have just made out with me and slept in my arms because she was lonely. She may not know what she wants but she seems interested in me enough so that i'm going to pursue her. True love may be elusive but i'm looking for somehow to incinerate my true loneliness. If it doesn't happen this week, this month, or this year, I'm sure before i die I'll find some one to put up with me to the point that they'll be willing to be buried next to me.

And anyway. kristin should practice what she preaches. her Mike guy, I don't know what the hell is gong on with him. I thought they were over but they keep going one. Its like an energizer bunny that keeps dying for a moment only to continue its drumming for a few more moments and only to die again and the be resurrected and so forth. Mike takes her for granted and they just don't seem to fit together. I'm not talking about more than the superficial styles and what not. their personality and persons don't mix. Its like they have made habits out of one another. There is no passion that i can see, but I've only met the guy once. i only read about the turmoil that he issues in her chest and skin.

After work i call aisha. We talk for about 15 minutes. I hear her talk to someone for a brief second. It sounds like a guy but i don't know the circumstances and she seemed interesting in talking to me about what we'll drink on Wednesday. She said she would come to open mic night with me at Delta Venus. I tell her I'll switch around her section of writeclub.net for her because she says she sent me an e-mail with a bunch of poems. I'll see her at noon on the quad.

I read her e-mail. She was a little uneasy about being a freshman in an uppity adjective conversation with dan, kristin, and I. But she held her own. It just explains why she was silent and staring off in to space. At one point in the conversation I was staring at her and took at eye lash off her nose. I lie staring at her. I like staring.

I do my writeclub.net work. I call up kristin when i'm done but no one answer. i drive home and watch Mike Tyson on Jimmy Kimmel live. i love Mike Tyson. Crazy people unite and stand behind Iron Mike so he can't punch you.

I get an e-mail from kristin at nearly 2 am. i read it about 5 minutes after it was sent and debate calling her. Its late and she is probably going to bed. i write this. It takes me over an hour because I can't shut up. I finished the Rolling Stones CD a long time ago and I am now listening to pantera. Actually i am now going to sleep.

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