2003-04-05 - 3:11 p.m.

Yesterday I woke at about noon. Half the day is gone. But will I try to catch up? We’ll see.

I wander like bum around the house, that’s right I’m actually at my mother’s place for the moment. But I’ve decided I want to get out of here. For the entire school year most of my crap has been staying at my ex-girlfriend’s place. I was supposed to go over there this weekend to pick it up, but she got anxious and brought it to me. My room at my mother’s is completely full. There is barely a place to sit down. And when you can barely sit down you can barely sleep, but last night I tried. I need to find a place in Davis – Now. Next school year I want to live in a House with a bunch of friend’s, but for now I’ll take a roof and a place to store my shit – wherever it may be.

I wander around the house slow in the early afternoon. I hadn’t had my stereo for a real long time so I set it up and wanted to play something loud loudly. I couldn’t find exactly what I wanted but I settled on Raw Power by Iggy Pop and the Stooges. I turned my stereo up as loud as it goes and set it up in the doorway of my room. I went to take a shower, but that’s only five feet away. I stood under the water and made it go hotter and hotter. Until it began to hurt and I just stood there and felt alive. Not as alive as I wouldn’t have been if I was climbing or mountain or making love, but my nerves were getting stimulated either way.

I wander into my car and drove to Davis. I didn’t have school or work but I drove toward a possible end of loneliness. I only have 1 friend in Sacramento County and he’s a beaten down married man. In Davis I go to campus hoping to run into someone I know.

I wander around. I go to the computer lab. As I get up to leave I see Diana, Dan’s ex-girlfriend. I go up to her and tell her I like what her and Ashley say about Dan on diaryland.com – "Dan’s penis has been inside her also." They both say the exact thing. Now, that’s pretty clever. She says she read a poem by me on the net where I saw that when someone turns 20 they don’t have to fear teen pregnancy anymore. She liked that.

I wandered more. I ran into Geoff Arnold, who works at Unitrans – the same place that my friend Kristin works, he said he was going back to work, I walked down there with him to see if Kristin was around, she wasn’t. I talked to Geoff a little bit but I’m not that close with him. I’ve ate lunch with him on the quad, had a class with him, and ran into him at parties, but I think he’s a little taken aback by me.

I wander around more. I go get something to eat at El Maruichi. Its about 6 0clock and I think the Sacramento kings are playing and they usually have a game on there. I go in and its War TV. I tell the guy as I order that the kings are playing, he says he’ll check the listings because he’d rather watch that also. But he’s busy so he never gets around to it. I get my food and chips. For my salsa I start off with the extremely hot variety. I eat it too fast and I start to cry. If you want to call it crying, but I probably looked sad. I’m surprised I have tears in me. I thought I dried up years ago. It’s good to know these things. Salsa gets me more in touch with my humanity.

I wander back to my car. And start to drive. It’s about 7 o’clock. I call Kristin but no one’s home. I see people unloading stuff into Klieber hall; it must be another free live music show. I call Chris to see what he’s doing. Him and Dan are planning on dropping Acid. I say that there’s a show going on at klieber hall he says he can trip out and watch that. I sit in the car in the dark in near sleep in the near hour that places before Chris calls to confirm. We’re on. While I wait for the two of them to show up at Dan’s I talk to Wavy Gravy on the phone. I haven’t talked to Wavy since last September. We talk about what he and I have been up to and we plan on seeing each other at the Whole Earth festival in Davis. A few minutes later Dan and Chris show up.

I wander with the two of them into Dan’s apartment. They have acid in a binaca bottle. They both put a drop on their fingers and lick it off. I just got of the phone with Wavy Gravy; I’m surrounded by Acidheads. Now with the two of them dripping we’ll all wander together.

We wander of to Klieber hall. I get a little lost on the way, but we get there. The band playing is boring. The guitar player has his guitar up so high he has to hold his nose up to a point where I can see his brain through his nostrils. That’s not rock and roll. A guitar shouldn’t be confined so tightly to a body. It’s an instrument of cacophony and chaos. It should flail. It should hang loosely with little containment. Chris wasn’t into it. There were just a bunch of High schoolers sitting down in the lecture hall that was rather empty. We talked about our pity for the high schoolers. This is all ages live music in Davis. This and only this. Accept for the hippie coffeehouses, but that’s not rock and roll – its like sugar or cinnamon, just another addition to your coffee drinking experience.

We wander through Campus. There a bunch of rape awareness posters all over campus. We look at the dumbfounding statistics. 1 in 4 women are raped. But only 16% of rapes are reported. How did they find out those numbers? I wonder about what the affect of these posters are supposed to be. Are we supposed to be afraid? Rape and violence is in the air as sure as methane is. Are men supposed to see this and think, everybody’s doing it – I have to also?

We wander to a third world forum poetry reading. There is a Rastafarian guy reading with his back turned to the audience. I look around. Very ethic event. I like that. A lot of women honoring hajab and bobbing their head to the poetic beat. A lot of posters up. Free Palestine. Pictures of Che Guavera. Malcolm X – By Any Means Necessary. The Cuban Flag. No Blood for Oil. The guy reading says he won’t get off the stage until someone pushes him off. He mentions Allah a few times while his dreads are bunched up beneath a bandana. A guy with a free Palestine shirt goes up and says they need to get going. A white hip-hop guy guys up and just needs a beat. So the free Palestine guy sets up a drum set and we get some live hip-hop, which is pretty good. Then 3 people do spoken word poetry performance that was energetic and entertaining. Dan and Chris were more entertained than I was, but they had chemical help. We got up and left at intermission. We talked about the statement the group of 3 poets made – "the flag symbolizes everything that is evil in the world." That is an asinine statement. That is way too big of a generalization to make. I’m liberal, very liberal, but I also have common sense and want to make statements I can back up.

We wander to jack n the box. Outside we see a group of teenagers. We’re hoping for a fight. I stop for a moment and say the fight must not have started yet. One of the teenagers says they aren’t fighting – they’re battling. We pity the high schoolers of the town once again. Hip Hop battles at your local fast food restaurant. The children of the revolution have truly been born. But I guess this is proof that Eminem has had a positive influence on our culture. Or maybe this is just the suburbs. It is the suburbs. Inside Jack N the box we talk about how we admire their marketing strategy. We talk about jack for President and other stuff then about our respect for Dave Thomas of Wendy’s. Why did Wendy’s have square hamburgers patties? Ask Dave and he’ll say, "Because we don’t cut corners."

We wander back toward café Roma because we saw something happening there when we passed by earlier. Our friend Vickie shouts at us from the street. We don’t know what to do. We had been sidetracked by a fire engine – we were going to check out what was happening there. Maybe watch someone die. But then we tried to follow Vickie, but she disappeared.

We wander back to the third world forum. A hip-hop band called the basement 559 is playing. They are okay but they aren’t that organized. They make it obvious that they are just rapping over a CD. Its like disjointed kareokee with more rhymes. They need a DJ on the stage, or live music.

We wander down stairs into the bowing alley. That’s of crazy Friday night colors and fake fog but we don’t see our friend Lisa so we go. We talk about the giant wind chimes that are on the grass by the M. U. and about what defines a conversation. Chris says that they just had a very long conversation while walking those few hundred feet. Dan is confused by this statement as the mitochondria in his cells tumble around dizzy on acid. Chris laughs at confusing Dan. A teenage blonde kid runs up to us and says that he’s streaking. He’s wearing a yellow elastic band on his head, a blue shirt, and blue shorts that say UC Davis on the ass – like a woman would wear on he ass to advertise her assets (and school loyalty). I ask him why he isn’t naked. He gets freaked out by us – even though he’s the one trying to freak us out. I say I do want to see him naked. I yell, "Show me some skin.’ And then he runs a way but Dan and Chris say I should chase him so I do. I yell, "if you want to streak you have to show some dick. I’ll show mine if you’re too chicken-shit." The guy is gone and I wasted wearing running shows or caring that much.

We wander to Fraternity row on Russel/5th Street. We just want a destination so we walk to Chris’ friend Joe’s frat. Joe is there but he’s to mellow and he’s just drinking. No action. We walk down to the Sammies frat house. There is a part there but its invitation only. We know Azver and he is in the frat. But Azver isn’t there so they don’t let us in.

We wander over to the Colleges at la Rue because Chris’ friend Rick just got back from Amsterdam so who knows the shit that he has. We talk about pulp Fiction and the references to Amsterdam in the movie. We get to the Colleges and we hunt for Rick’s number. There is a party that we walk by and girl looks at me and says she knows me. I don’t know her. We find Rick’s place but he isn’t there. There is a party up stairs. We go up there but there is no booze. They have a live DJ but not much is going on. And we don’t fit in. We walk back to the other party. There is insane amounts of people in there. And no booze, except for a 12 pack of Coors this guy is holding in his hands. But we have no tits so therefor we have no beer. The room is tightly packed, but full of pretty girls with short skirts, small tops and bunny ears on. I’m curious about what Dan and Chris are seeing while the trip on acid.

We wander up to AmPm to buy beer. As I pay I show the guy my ID. He asks, "what the hell happened to you?" I thought he was referring to my scar but he was just wondering about the Mohawk and the go-tee. I look so all-American in my ID. I look fat in my ID. But America is fat so the go hand in padded hand.

We wander back to the party with the pretty girls but it looks like it breaking up. The girls wander about. I realize why evolution gave women an extra layer of skin, so they can dress like sheik skanky hoes. God likes sluts. If he tells me there in his or her own voice, maybe I’ll believe in god then. Outside a girl recognizes me from my Hemmingway class. We talk about the professor and his eye problems.

We wander up Sycamore. We have a destination, several actually. Kristin’s or Seagle’s, or just Safeway to watch people, or a random party if we cross one. I point out the place where one of the girls I have the hots for lives. Jenny. I’m thinking of calling her and Gina up because I don’t know what’s going on with Aisha. We talk about our shitty jobs and how I have it easy because I’m over paid for now. But come next year I’m going to have to manage Ben & Jerry’s. Its okay because then I’ll choose who I hire. And we all know what that means.

We wander over to Kristin’s but she’s not home. We walk through a parking lot on the short way to Covell Ave and a guy in the distance says, "Dan." Its Fitz Vo, the editor of the California Aggie newspaper. He tells us where a party is. We walk that way. We get semi-lost but Chris knows the most about where we are. He is a Pizza man and therefor nearly omniscient as the locations of Davis, but we try to find the Apartment Complex. We walk toward Seagle’s. He’s not home. We were going to ask him if he knew where the complex was. I look directly across the street and it’s the one we want. Once again we wander through looking for the number. We see a party but it’s the wrong number. We find the right one and walk in.

We wander through the crowd, woman are dancing and that is always a good thing. Its like Norm at Cheers as Dan walks through the crowd. "Dan" "Dan." "Dan." I see people I know. I see a guy from my Hemmingway Class, not the one from before but another, and talk about our professor and his eye problems. Then I sit down. We’ve been walking a lot.

My eyes wander across the room looking at the pretty girls dancing. Not skanky girls. Just girls with curves. I’m on my forth beer. My fingers are curved around the can. I want them to curve around breasts or ass or thighs or a soft cheeks or the back of a head bobbing in my lap or hips or feet while I massage them or a belly to just rest my hand on or a clitoris to tease. But I have a beer in my hand so I just watch the curves.

I wander outside and talk to Hoang Ngo the Origami Chimp and this Red headed girl who never says her name but she’s been to the Write Club web site. Hoang talks about a column that wasn’t allowed into the Aggie. I invite him to let me post it on writeclub.net. I also talk to Hoang about Kristin's magazine, Exposed, because Haong is friends with Ihsan, who was in the magazine. This kid wanders up with a Plan 9 shirt. This kid is drunk, stoned, and a plethora of other inebriated adjectives. He’s wearing a plan 9 shirt but he knows nothing about Ed Wood the director of movie. He’s a fan of the Punk Rock band the Misfits. I debate the merits of the lead singer Glen Danzig’s talent. The kid only likes the Misfits but I like his solo stuff also. The kid eventually gets carted away into a car.

I wander with Dan back inside. I talk to a guy named Shane from my Poetry class and a girl Catherine also from my poetry class. Shane took a few years off from school like I did and we talk about that. The music is loud so I don’t get all of the conversation. I have to remember his name and Catherine’s because they both already know mine. Ahhhh fame; and the burden that it brings. (If only Diaries came with laugh tracks.)

We wander over to the other party and meet Nate, Ian, and a guy that I can’t remember his name. I barely remember their faces so it doesn’t matter. They have a keg but I still have a beer in my hand. I start to do magnetic poetry on their fridge but Dan says he’s going outside. We talk to them about why they are all dressed Greek. It’s a birthday party for a guy’s girlfriend that is in a sorority. They seem like friendly people but for being a girl’s birthday party there weren’t many women.

We wander out to the front of the complex. Chris wants to go. I want to go back in where it’s warm. I still have a cold can of beer in my hands so I can’t put them in my pockets. Chris goes to Safeway and Dan and I go back in. I nod toward Stan, a guy I know from my fiction class. Dan and I both sit the same girl. So obviously, Dan on one side of her and me on the other. The girl has her leg crossed so I cross mine just like her. I tell Dan to also but he resists and then rebels and does the other leg. But the girl switches and I so I do also. Then we all have our right leg on our left knee. Synergy baby. I introduce us to her. Her name is Crystal and she’s a designated driver. She also knows Stan, and like AFI, a band that Stan just reviewed in the Aggie. Stan is kind of pompous and condescending, but he’s not too bad of a guy. I’m sure he can talk shit about me. She uses a lot of acronyms while she talks. Like she wants to save her breath or something. We talk about the Aggie and about random stuff like writing poetry because I tell her that the Aggie is going to do a story on Write Club. She also writes poetry. After a few minutes though her drunken friend wants to go. And Chris has shown up again and that fucker can’t sit still either. I’m done with my beer though, so I can pocket my hands.

We wander back to Chris’ place. We watch the news and smoke pot. I wander in and out of consciousness because we walked for about 7 hours. We got to Chris’ at 3. I had been looking at my watch the whole night and time had been moving so slowly. It’s mid afternoon in Baghdad though. We know this because, not only do you smoke pot at Chris’ place but you also watch the war. We talk for a few hours until a little after five. Then Chris drives us to Dan’s. I bum a sleep on Dan’s couch.

I wander into sleep.

I wake up at 11:30 or so. There is construction at Dan’s apartment. My stomach feels like its curdling. Outside the walls are being banged from every direction. I hearing spraying and voices banging around the street. I go to the bathroom. My stomach curdles out of my ass. I walk back down the staircase trying to play the steps silently. I once called it a Stradivarius of a staircase because of all the noises that it makes. Dan’s whole apartment is a symphony of creeks. And my stomach was gurgling in baritone. I tried to lay back down and sleep but it was to late and too light out for that, all I did was listen. Dan came down and I asked what he was doing today. He’s basically just going to wander around. Just as I am. We’ll probably run into one another. Although tonight I would like to find some curves to hold on to besides beer. But for a guy like me, that seems unlikely.

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