2003-04-30 - 3:15 a.m.

ON 4/25.2005

So i wake up much later than i had hoped too. i dick around the house until i have to leave for Davis. originally I planned to call a bunch of house rentals places but i don’t get around to it. I have two things on my itinerary for this day. At 3 p.m. I’m going to see Anthony Swofford at the M. U. on campus. He is a writer that went to American River College, the same community college I went to. The best compliment I ever got as a writer was from Harold Schnieder, a former mentor of Anthony Swofford and of mine; he said that he sees as much potential in me as he did Tony. He sees me becoming as good a writer as Swofford. Now, harold said this in 1999 before Tony ever published a book that ranked high on the New York Times Best seller list, like he did in 2003. I met him once when i was editing the American River Review in 1999. Its funny to think of it now. I edited the work of Anthony Swofford, a writer that is sure to stick around in the business for the next few decades.

The other thing on the itinerary for the day is to make a Klan outfit with Jenny J. at 5 p.m. So I have to buy some supplies. i drive to beverly’s fabrics around the corner from my house and i look for letter stamps. We are going to put the phrase “What Would HENRY ROLLINS Do” on the outfit. i don’t find any letter stamps. then i debate with myself if i should buy some fabric for the Klan outfit. it would be cheaper but i decide that i’ll buy bed sheets and pillow cases because that is what Klan outfits are made of. So i drive to Michael's in hopes of finding letter stamps. i look around and the only stamps I find cost $8 a letter. Jenny told me to buy stamps but I’m not going to spend $100 on letters so I find an alternative. i find some iron on letters that cost me $7 for all the letters I need. i also buy some thread because i want to supply the most amount of tuff for the project as possible. jenny offered the dye and the donation to KDVS, I drive to Sears to buy some sheets. i decide on some Egyptian Cotton sheets for $35. It is the only set that i could find that i thought would have everything i need. Its better to buy the set than the individual. I may be a Klansman, but I’m not a racist. I may be a Klansman, but i am a cheapskate. Of course I’m not being cheap because I don’t need the sheets. I want the sheets because i want to create jackass art. But what i really want is to spend more time with Jenny. Whatever the excuse is good enough for me. I go to Hot Topic to buy some socks for the Klan outfit. I can’t decide between thigh high black and red stripes or pink and black striped knees socks so i buy both. I see heather a girl i used to know from HURT concerts i went to years ago. I also talk to the register girl about henry Rollins. I’m wearing a henry rollins turns 40 years old T-shirt. She talks about an ongoing debate she has with her friends about whether or not Hank could beat Courtney Love in a fight. I say that hank wouldn’t fight a woman but he can fight and he can bench press 300 pounds so my money would be on Rollins. Although is Courtney Love married him she could defeat him by driving him to commit suicide.

I make it to campus just in time. I get Swofford’s book “Jarhead,” and the 1996 edition of the American river Literary Review that he edited and his poetry appears in. I go to the M. U. and see Diana ball of Seele. I ask her if she knows where M. U. two is, she says it is upstairs. That makes sense. I go up and see Tony sitting down. Tony, the Graduate Student I know, is talking to him. I stand around for a bit then i take a seat in the room inside the lounge where Swofford is. I then get my magazines and then i go and introduce myself to him. I tell him that i met him once before in 1999 and then we talk about harold Schnieder for a bit. We both majored in harold Schnieder at ARC. I ask him to sign the magazine that he edited. My guess was that he hadn’t seen the book magazine since 1996. he signs the book where he poetry is in the pages. We talk a little bit more about the magazine and about coming to Davis from ARC. We also talk about KDVS because he heard that i am involved with the radio station. Then he signs my copy his book. He refers to me in his autograph as a fellow disciple of Harold Schnieder.

I see Rachel, Dan from legubitron’s girlfriend, and we sit next to each in the meeting hall. We sit for 30 minutes in room where they talk about foundation research. i think I’m in the wrong room so I go out and ask where Swofford is going to read at. i find out it is downstairs so i tell Rachel and we go to find the room where Swofford is at. We find him in the East room and we sit down n the floor because there are no more seats. we sit right in font of Darcy and Chuck. Tony finishes telling his story about how he came to write a book and then he starts reading from his book. I recognize every passage that he reads. At one point i see the door to the room open and i think I see Jenny J. poke her head in. After the reading Chuck wants to know if I’ll go to happy hour with him and Tony and Darcy and hopefully Tony Swofford. he wants me to invite Swofford with us us. I see Chris at the reading and I tell Chuck i won’t be able to go with them because i have a date to make a KKK outfit.

I then drive over to Jenny J.’s place. I get the bags of stuff and walk up the steps. There is a note on her door that says she had to go out for supplies. I stand around and wait. I pull out my copy of “Howl and other poems” from my jacket. i start reading. She is half an hour late so i walk up to Gina’s apartment to see if she is there. She isn’t but Gina lets me. jenny shows up a few minutes later. She is wearing a short gray skirt with no nylons. good. I don’t like nylons. Ain’t nothing better than smooth naked flesh. Ain’t nothing better than Jenny’s smooth naked flesh. God i want to put my hand on her thigh. Those skirts she wears. those skirts. those skirts. Those skirts. They transfix me. They tempt me. They tease me. they torture me. If I get to put my hand on her thigh it will make my week.

She is also wearing a sort of baggy purple and black top hat. And red sun glasses. No one dresses like her. I love a unique style. If a woman doesn’t stand out in a crowd then i just don’t think we could fit together. i stand out in a crown like blood on a wedding dress.

We talk a little bit in Gina’s apartment. jenny plays with the spider in the cage. She says that she did look into the Swofford reading earlier in the day. i look through a color catalog so i can chooses what we are going to dye the outfit. There is a debate about whether or not we should dye the outfit at jenny’s or Gina’s. I prefer Jenny’s because I want to be on her turf. I can’t put the moves on her when we are at Gina’s. i would prefer being alone, but I like Gina. i want her to be part of the project too. I just hope that i will have some alone time with jenny.

We clear off the table that the sewing machine is on. And then open up the sheets. It turns out Egyptian cotton is very good quality. They are surprised by my choice.

They start measuring the sheet. I tell them that i thought about buying fabric but Jenny says that it can only be done with bed sheets and pillow cases because it is tradition. I watch her crawl across the floor folding the fabric and smoothing it out. I watch her crawl and stare at her curves. I think Gina notices me staring at Jenny, but I don’t care. in fact I hope that Gina would help me get together with Jenny. I get the feeling that Jenny is too nervous to start a relationship with someone. But gina has a boyfriend, maybe she would like her best friend to have one also and i would be glad to fill that role.

The whole time i get fitted for the Klan outfit it feels surreal. i’ve been talking about doing this for a while but now i am. The door to Jenny’s apartment is open and I see a guy staring at us. he’s probably thinking, “Holy shit that looks like they are making a Klan outfit. I also see Jeff friend my English 100 F class walk around the apartment complex. i can’t remember his name when i see him but it is only from a distance. jenny and gina seem to be fans of observing their complex and critiquing everything.

Jenny sews the thing together. She’s like my personal tailor for an evening. I talk to her alone while Gina makes the dyes in the other room.

Then we dye the things. We start off by Gina and i dying the hood while Jenny finishes the gown.

Throughout the evening I keep trying to make jokes and jenny keeps laughing at them. maybe she is trying to be polite. maybe i am genuinely funny. Or maybe it could mean that she is interested in me.

We set up the colors to dye the gown. We do it outside in front of jenny’s apartment. At one point Gina spills the purple. We all clean it. We use the scraps from the pillow and excess of the sheets to wipe up the mess. When those get all used up then we use the mattress sheets that came with the package. I’m glad it wasn’t me that made the mess. I’m so fucking nervous. I’m being myself but i don’t know if that is a good thing. that is the only thing i can do though. If she doesn’t like the real Rob Roy then what is the point. But fear of rejection is hanging in the air like anvils that only i can see.

At one point I spill a little bit of yellow. Just a touch. I’m flawed but it didn’t need drastic clean up so I’m slightly relieved.

Then we go back in and situate the Klan outfit for drying.

Gina say that she has to go home. Its midnight. We walk upstairs with her to drop some stuff off. But i leave some of my stuff in jenny’s apartment to ensure to reason to go back in. And so we come back down to jenny’s apartment and we listen to KDVS. The pirate is on and Jenny and I talk about lots of stuff. About the art that she creates. She sys there is a summer sessions instructor that could make her “get cubist.” She talks about making shows. i say that she is a cobbler. She also makes hats too so that means she dies millenary. I never heard that word until she told me that their is a specific term for hat making. At one point the pirate wants someone to donate $60 so that the fundraiser can break $30,000. i call up and the guy ion the phone barely knows what he is doing. i give him pointers on taking the pledge. i direct him on how it is done. Jenny is laughing the whole way through my crazy dialogue over the phone. I want to know if $60 is still needed to break the total. It takes the guy some effort but he figures out that they still need $60. So i pledge the money and tell him to tell the Pirate to stop begging so hard. Then my name gets said over the radio and will be said over and over throughout the the evening. I get three packages. i wanted to get the gold chains package but they were all out. Jenny got a bunch of KMFDM packages when she pledged. But she agrees that a Goldchains package would be fitting because the band was the most played one over the week. But the A-Frames come in second so i choose their package. paul Wilbur (Pirate) keeps saying my name over the air. I eventually talk to Janie Venom because she’s the only one that can put the numbers into the computer correctly over the phone. She knows who i am. the other guy on the phone knew who I was also.

I sit and talk to Jenny about seeing movies. We agree that we will watch basquiat and the Super Dave movie on Sunday night. At three in the morning I hear the Pirate say my name again. jenny and i are still talking. We talk about what are parents think of our art. Jenny’s father doesn’t understand her art but her mother does.

The whole time we talk she is sitting in a futon chair. their is no room to sit next to her. But we do stand up for a moment or two to go into the kitchen. I’m a chicken shit and i think i need a good and relevant moment to kiss her. So i don’t. i tell myself that when we watch the movie that will be a good opportunity.

We keep saying that it is getting late but we still keep talking but i eventually leave at 3:30 in the morning.

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