2003-06-02 - 10:23 a.m.

5/27.2003

I hate the California Aggie News paper. And yet i love it. I hate it so much I want to be a part of it. I love things i hate and I love things that hate me. Negative energy is very powerful energy. So i write a letter to the Aggie. (The letter is posted on yesterday’s post.)

After i write a letter to the Aggie I rush to class. and then Sarah S. and I have lunch with Dan G. on the quad. During Poetry I study for my Hemingway midterm. I am so far behind in that class. I’ve been too busy emulating Hemingway, as opposed to studying him. The beauty of the midterms in the class is that we focus completely on Hemingway - novels and short stories. If I read the write short stories I can write an essay in them and not have to read the novel. If there is a loophole - find it.

After class I sit with friends over in the shade on the quad. Aisha laments over her attraction to Aaron D. I lament over my attraction to almost anyone that will give me the time of day but when give me a night of pleasure. Sarah laments over her attraction to Madeline, yet she is unsure about what kind of attraction Madeline has for Sarah. Dan laments because he wants to run into Sophie again but neglected to get her phone number when he left her house Saturday morning. The phone number was actually posted on the refrigerator of her place. Proof that whenever you have a one night stand - always make yourself breakfast. Everyone laments. We’re all poets. Wow is me.

Ashley (%%diary-ashbobash%%) comes up and sits down for a moment. I ask her about her friend Caitlin and whether or not she’s going to be coming to the party this weekend. I ask her not so much because of my attraction to Caitlin, which I do have, but because I want to redeem myself for being such a dumb fuck. I want to prove that I can function in society, and what better way to do so than to convince a woman that I acted like a drunken Neanderthal in font of, that I may not be sane but i am a gentleman.

Ihsan and Hoang come up and talk to us. I have my Hemingway book out and open but I’m not reading it. Ishan and I talk about the Rugged Suicidal Novelist. But I still only manage reading two short stories before going to my midterm. I manage though. As you can tell I can write about any sort of bullshit because as we all know my life is bullshit.

After My midterm i go back out to the grass of the quad where Dan is still sitting in the shade. He has been there since 1 pm. I tell him that we should set up a Pirate Flag on the quad to represent ourselves.

Sarah comes up and sits with us on the quad. She has to be at work at 6 so we all talk about the celestial void of the immediate existence for about an hour and then I agree to walk Sarah to work. Dan walks with us a short way until Ashley sees him and he goes over and talks to her. She hugs him as Sarah and i keep walking. She keeps hugging him and I can tell it is all for comfort. I tell Sarah Ashley looks like she’s having a shitty day. But as least she had Dan to comfort her, so I’m sure she’ll get cheered up.

After i walk Sarah to work I go back to school to the computer lab where I see Sophie. I call up Dan because he said he was going home. Its been about half an hour since I saw him with Ashley. Dan isn’t home. I leave a message with his roommate, Patrick. Then I go to work.

While at work I get a phone call from Kristin (%%diary-design-doll%%). She says she’s going to be at her private computer lab tonight in unitrans and I should visit her. I also get a call from Anne (%%diary-bleedingnerd%%). Anne wants to confirm that we will be going to a strip club soon together when she is in town. She also wants me to write her a letter of recommendation for a scholarship she is applying for. She doesn’t want me to be sarcastic in the letter. I used to be her boss, I can be serious. You’ve read about how often I’m seriously fucked up.

After work I go to school to look for kristin but she isn’t there. I see Anne from KDVS and I think she is freaked out by seeing me at nearly midnight on campus. i think she is freaked out by seeing me. I think she is freaked out by me.

I leave school and I drive home to Sacramento. Once there I get a call from Chris C. He is bored and wants to know if I’ll drink with him. I tell him I just got home but I can drive to Davis. I’m going to have to do it in the morning anyway. So I pick up some shit and drive back to Davis. I hate driving places. Whenever I’m commuting on the freeway I always feel like I’m wasting time. Every mile i drive is a minute of my life I have wasted. Interstate 80 is a death trap in more ways than a million.

At Chris’ I sit with him and watch Chris Rock on TV. And then we talk about the great stand up comedians and what we did this weekend. About whether or not Chris “closed the deal” with the girl at the party on Saturday night. He says no. I wonder if the drunken friends he was tagging along with him, myself and Dan, had anything to do with it.

Eventually, after about 3 beers, I go to sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and Chris is still up. He’s watching Memento. I try to resurrect myself but i only last a few more minutes and I’m back to unconsciousness again.

5/28.2003

I wake up at Chris’ place and start talking to Tom, Chris’ roommate. I think I didn’t finish a beer can. I don’t want to appear like I can’t handle the booze so while no one is looking i drink the beer. Its nearly noon. Its all about the societal perception of the person. And Rob Roy ain’t just a pretty boy poet, he’s a drunkard that finishes the cans of beer he starts.

Tom talks to Chris about his Memorial Day trip to Shasta Lake. he talks about people that got drunk and broke bone or got drunk and fell in the water and felt an indecipherable amount of death around them and fear inside them. Tom asks Chris about a friend that bought some liquid ecstasy. Chris starts giving a lecture on ecstasy. About different generations of production. Chris used to be an E addict. Then Tom asks Chris about Cocaine. Chris once promised someone he would never do blow but he knows about it so he partakes his knowledge unto Tom.

I tell Chris that Dan and I were at a computer lab on Monday night when this girl recognized Dan as a friend of a guy named Chris that smokes a lot of Pot. Chris wants me to describe the girl. I tell him she had shoulder length blond hair. She was a little on the thick side. Chris claims he doesn’t know any overweight woman. he only hangs out with thin, arguably attractive, women. But he does know a lot of fat fuck bastard guys.

I go to the bathroom. I need to go to KDVS radio station today to get some volunteer hours in for the quarter. I need 40 to do a show. If I get a decent amount of hours this week I’ll be well on the way.

I get out of the bathroom and tOm and Chris are playing a video game. i watch them play it for a few minutes. I’m about to say i have to go when there is a knock on the door. Its two of Chris’ friends - they are both named Dave. i know 4 people Chris knows named Dave. Chris asks them if they want to go get something to eat. he asks me also. I assume we’ll be getting free pizza at Cenerio’s so I agree. Then we decide to go to Geudalahara down the street. I figure I’ll meet some of Chris’ old friends and go with them. The two Daves are both older. The are about 23. Not much older than me, a little bit more older than Chris. One Dave is married. The are both big, slightly chunky guys - married Dave is more so.

On the way to the restaurant they talk about wrestling. I hate TV wrestling so i feel out of place. Chris makes a reference after a while about the crazy shit that i do at Davis so we talk about crazy college antics. My pogo stick KKK act. And their “Salt the earth act” where they put salt on steps and on pathways reacting a biblical verse.

At the restaurant they relive old stories of working at the Boy Scout camp together. On the way back from the restaurant they talk about Role Playing games. I say I have to go to KDVS and I go.

Once there I look for something to do. Its 3:45. All I can do is alphabitize CDs. I go in the back room where they keep them. I can listen to people talking in the lobby. I’m just a few feet away from them. The wall between the rooms doesn’t go all the way up to the ceiling so we can talk if we need to between rooms. I listen to Heather k., a DJ that is in high school, talk about how she wants to die before she gets old. She wants to be dead by 50. i yell that she should get started now. I’ll sell her some black tar heroin. She shouldn’t procrastinate with things like death.

Esa tells me he needs to talk to me but not now. I keep working on the CDs. I’m a third of the way through C. Esa tells me that he thinks i should apply for Underwriter at the Station for next year. Esa and teresa, two of the people that will be bigwigs at the station next year, think I would be good at it. I tell him i know Dave S., the guy that does it now and I’ll talk to him about what he does.

At about 6 i sit down and look at photos of the Kdvs dance party. I look like a wild man in them. I leave at 6:45. I go to Olsen Hall to see if Jenny and Gina are there. i see Gina but no jenny. Gina tells me jenny will be in Hawaii for a couple of weeks. She asked where i was last week, jenny and her go me a lollipop. I feel like a moron. I’ve been pursuing Jenny, but to know avail. But I haven’t made that drastic of a move yet. I could have done so last week.

I see Gis C. in the class and talk to him about seeing Ashley D. drunk at a party last weekend. Gis has the hots for her. I get Gus’ phone number so the next time I see Ashley at a party I’ll call him.

Then I say goodbye to Gina. I’m only sticking around of jenny is around. Gina has a boyfriend and its jenny I want to fuck (i.e. get to know better, share affection, be emotionally and physically intimate).

I go over to Delta Venus where I see Aisha. i sit and talk to her and Vanessa. Dan shows up. i don’t have any poetry to read for the open mic. Aisha tells me i should write something right now. So I scribble out a page of prose poetry. After Dan reads then Aisha reads and eventually I read.

Some time during the end of the reading laura shows up and sits by me. We talk about her poetry. I can’t remember what they ere about about i do remember “new” was one of the titles. We talk during the last set of the night. This guy is playing the flute and bass and guitar and recording it into a Digital processor while another guy plays a tribal beat. It is very sonic and shamanistic. Very unique.

Laura and i also talk about this guy Toad that we both kind of like but are annoyed by because he is a mooch. He’s 17 and Laura is 18. She tells me she needs to hang out with older people right now in her life. people in there 20s because it will be good for her.

After the show a grad student named Valerie talks to me about my poetry. Then she starts talking to dan because she is getting a B.S. in Art and Dan is is getting a degree in it. I talk to Laura some more and also Dan M. and his girlfriend Rachel. I talk to Jake form the Zim Zims about the Battle of the Bands. he talks about being a grad student and a musician. Laura asks him if he ever substitute taught because she thinks she recognizes him. he says yes, but in Woodland. laura grew up in Davis so she was mistaken. I talk about all the crazy shit I’m doing and ill be doing next year. This red headed girl comes up and says “hello Rob.” She has a familiar face but i don’t know where. She’s from the parties at Diana’s on 8th. Diana and her are living together next year. i tell her about the Pirates of the Pentagram house I’m going to be living in. She volunteers her house to be the wench house.

i get asked to help ask people to leave because its getting late. I see that someone has called me and I check my messages. Chris is going to 1 dollar night at Sophia’s bar with Dave S. and Jessica. I tell Dan and we start to head off. laura says she’ll walk with us so we go to Dan’s to drop off some stuff then head to sophia’s. We say goodbye to Laura then go in. The bouncer at the door is beginning to recognize us as frequent customers.

More about this night later, but it will include lots of nudity.

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