2003-06-08 - 9:20 p.m.

5/31.2003

This is beginning from the middle of an eventful day. Read the beginning of the binge drinking at the previous entry.

I’m sober enough to drive. Or at least I think I am. Only one way to find out. I drive over to Dan G.’s place and we talk with his roommate Patrick about what we are doing to night. Dan and I are getting drunk and going out to try to find some company. Patrick is working on his design portfolio. Working on a Saturday night seems like the wrong place at the wrong time to me. I hate working weekends. I’ve decided I hate working. But that I like having money so I have to do what I have to do. And scooping ice cream beats sucking dick for a living.

Dan and I walk around the corner to fast and sleazy. He gets a Newcastle I get a Pete’s Wicked Ale. I’ve never had the brand before. Dan always gets New Castle. I like to try something new. If I can’t try the flesh of a different woman every night at least I can try the taste of a different beer.

Dan says that Josh F. and Crystal are going to be coming with us. I make a Crossword poster for my costume. We’re going to stop by the Aggie party first. We’re supposed to dress in some sort of costume so I write in the format of a crossword puzzle: California Aggie all the news that’s fit to shit. The Aggie isn’t that bad of a paper but its too bland of a paper. Most people just do the crossword puzzle and the comic strips. Most people hate the comic strips and are so indifferent about the rest of the paper they don’t read it. I read the California Aggie. And compared o other school newspapers it just doesn’t measure up. I lived in the Berkeley area for a couple of years and the Daily Californian was a much more exciting newspaper. They didn’t have comics and I don’t remember a crossword but they had a column every week called “Sex on Tuesdays” that everyone read. My goal is to have a column in the aggie that everyone reads. The odds are stacked against this though because the Aggie hates me. Pride will be the downfall of mankind and journalism.

Josh and Crystal show up and Josh has a bag full of beer. He offers some to us but I don’t want to drink while I’m in the car so we postpone popping the cap. We drive to the Aggie party and there are 3 people there. Josh asks me if he would like to post this article he wrote for Heckler magazine in which he interviewed the band AFI, I say sure. Then I start talking about him writing for Heckler magazine in front of the Aggie folk because they look down on Josh because he’s not wearing a costume. Heath, the guy that is throwing the party says that it is supposed to be a costume party. I just want to make them jealous of Josh because he’s more of a successful journalist, in all of his drunken glory, then anyone at the party. Crystal suggest that I but a Z after FIT in my crossword puzzle because the editor in chief of the Aggie is named Fitz. I tell her too and she does. But then we get bored because now there are only 5 people there besides us. We leave for Cameron’s party. Hoping that Hoang, who we were going to pick up at the Aggie party, will find his way. We lie to the Aggie folk and say we will be back. We just don’t want to hurt their feelings. If they have any besides the emotion of misquoting.

We drive to Cameron and Scott’s place. On the way I call up Gus because I think Ashley may be there and I know he is attracted to her. I told him I would give him a heads up on a party that I think she may be at. Gus says the party is too far from his place but she thanks me for the offer. There is a party at his complex tonight.

We walk up the street toward Cameron’s place and we hear music. We walk in the door and the party is packed. I see Arjun and Erik from the List and say hello to them. The four of us that showed up together go into the backyard where there are 3 kegs. I start off with the good stuff - the brother’s ale. I put into my own bottle because then it looks like I brought my own booze.

Josh and Crystal don’t know anyone there except for Dan and I. Although Josh met Cameron and Scott the other day. Don, the lead singer of Keep Your Distance, the band that is the last one playing tonight, comes up to us and starts talking to us. He is drunk and he is asking for high fives. Its Josh’s birthday and Don claims it is also his birthday. He keeps saying “its my birthday. High five.” Then Don starts talking to Dan about the article about the Battle of the Bands in the California Aggie. Don says that every in the world that he knows read the article and says that it sucked. Dan says it didn’t suck. Don keeps saying it did and gets close to Dan’s face. Dan slightly pushes him away. Don says, “Lets not get physical here.” Then Dan says, “Stay out of my face then.” Don keeps saying the article sucks. Dan asks him, “You’re in a band right?” Don puts up four fingers and says, “I’m in four bands.” I believe in list of the names I know while Don does also. “Keep Your distance.” Dan says, “sucks.” “The Back Ups.” Dan says, “sucks.” I try to convince Don to be angry with Aaron D., the editor of the article; after all he was the one that fucked it up. Plus I want to see the guy in a fight. Although it would be interesting to see Dan in a fight.

Josh tries to deflect the attention and says, “Why are you picking on Dan? Why don’t you fuck with me because I’ll fight you, man? I’ll fight you right here. I don’t care.” Originally I think Josh was trying to end the fight but the way that Don was looking at him, as if Don could decimate anything he could lay his fists on, angered Josh. Josh wanted to provoke him. I told Don, “This is my buddy Josh. He’s spent sometime in Jail. Don’t fuck with him.” Josh looks at us and says, “Fuck Dan.” Points at me and says, “Fuck Rob.” And points at Crystal and says, “Fuck this bitch here.” Josh knows that Don knows my name and Dan’s name but he doesn’t know Crystal so she’s just another bitch to him. Crystal is offended by this and pushes Don’s beer onto Josh. Josh thinks it is Don that threw the beer at him and he takes a swing at Don. He gets a couple punches in while Don flails about like an eight-year-old girl. A few guys drag him down to the ground and away from josh because they know Josh would win. Josh just stands there giggling while a couple talk down Don. Scott comes up and Josh apologizes for fucking around. Scott says, “I wish people wouldn’t’ have pulled Don off you. I hate that guy. I wanted him to get his ass kicked.”

It must suck to be Don. Try to act like a big Rock star and get your asskicked before you even play. Don walks around the block while his band mates wonder if they need to find a replacement vocalist. Not only does the local music scene suck it also can’t take a punch.

I start wondering around the party filling up my beer again and again and again. Dan uses my phone to call up Ashley. He friends that I scared last week aren’t coming. Her friend Caitlin is going to a Frat party. I think I’m a much more entertaining drunk then the testosterone charged mindless Frat boys. I’m the greatest jackass artist in Davis and I’d like someone to challenge me otherwise. But it is because I am so crazy and so eager to entertain people that I frighten women away. “Rob, you come on pretty intense,” Dan says. Like I’ve said before, “truth never ends in orgasm.” That’s why I can’t get laid. Any of course saying things like, “I can’t get laid” means I can’t even get kissed.

I walk around the party and meat people. I meat Unis, who has heard of me because she works for the Aggie and I send crazy letters to the Aggie. I talk to two girls Keidie and Sarah about how an English degree means a person is majoring in bullshit. I see a guy from my Hemingway class and he introduces himself as San. I of course, being the ass that I am, shake his hand and say, “Rob. Rob Roy.” Who am I? Some sort of pathetic James Bond?

I see Stan O. and he is in a good mood. How needs Prozac when you have hard liquor? Stan talks to me about reading this online journal. Stan thinks I’m a good writer and we both respect each other, but I tell him we should be rivals. It would be good for our character. He agrees. So now I have an official nemesis.

Aisha shows up and she gives me a water gun. I fill it up and start shooting people with it. I see Anne, Esa, Richard, and Steve from KDVS. We start having a debate about my facial hair. Esa says I should shave off my facial hair. “Shave it,” he keeps yelling. Aisha whispers in my air that I shouldn’t shave it because then women couldn’t tug on it. She gives my go tee a couple of tugs and then Anne gives it a couple for good measure.

I dance. Even when no one dances I still dance.

The KDVS folk don’t stay for long. But Ashley (%%diary-ashbobash%%) shows up with her cousin KT (%%diary-caspergrey%%). Ashley isn’t that drunk. I’ve only seen Ashley drunk once and that was the first time I met her. First impressions mean nothing because that was over 8 months ago and she hasn’t been that plastered around me since. Her cousin is fucked up though. She is punching people and being aggressive. A woman that can dole out a punch is a turn on for me so I am hanging around KT off and on throughout the night.

Becca, Jessica, and Jenna are three girls that come up to me wanting to know where I got the water gun. It turns out it is there’s. They want it back before they leave. I later see them hanging all over Jordan. I tell Jordan about the fight I almost got into last night and he says he almost came to blows because some people were being rude to Amerita last night. I guess him and Amerita are now officially dating.

I’m standing around outside with Jordan and Dan and Jordan starts molesting Dan. He starts feeling him up. I say everyone should molest everyone. Then I grab Dan’s boob, then Jordan’s, the Kristen’s and maybe this girl Len that is standing around. Everyone laughs and molests each other. Josh and I mess around and open mouth kiss each other.

Dan hangs on to Kristen, this girl from my poetry 45 class, a lot tonight. He plants his hand firmly on her waste as if he has chosen her for the evening. I need to take a leak so I keep going in to the bathroom then realizing that there is a line and I can just go piss outside.

Hoang shows up with his cousin Wee. Hoang is wearing a tight red blouse and a short gray skirt. He’s a bad ass. Different guys smack his ass and I lick his nipple. Someone suggests that I should take my cock out so I do. I make a few noises with it. The I have seen Rob Roy’s penis club is growing. It now includes Ashley and KT and several others. I’m not socially normal. I don’t know if I am being myself when I am doing these crazy things or if I am performing. I would like to think that I am being myself but then I would really actually be a jackass. I guess when I look at how I act in public I can’t blame a large portion of the general populace for not liking me. I’m too different and different people should be exterminated. Maybe I’m too load. I get hyper and passionate and some people are used to the mundane personalities that they deal with everyday. Is this a house party or a bank lobby? So I expose myself. It’s only a penis. That’s the point I guess. I pull it out and a lot of people are shocked but its only a part of the human body. Its 7 inches but its no big deal.

I have my last sip of beer at 2:45 AM - over 11 hours of drinking. My parents would definitely not be proud.

As we leave Cameron and Scott's I give Cameron $5 as a donation to the cause of house parties; Dan and Kristin walking together, Crystal and Josh walking together, and Ashley and KT walking with my arms around them go to Dan’s car. I lead the way. They're going to have to fit four in the back and I'm in the front. KT's going to be on my lap. I try to convince Ashley to let KT stay over at Dan’s. I'm a drunk bastard she has a boyfriend and it isn't my place to ask that. But also, I know Ashley will say no, so I know I can just ask to amuse Ashley with my drunkenness.

Everyone but Ashley and KT go into Dan’s apartment. I set up Crystal and Josh in respective sleeping places. I ask them what time they want to wake up in the morning. They say 7:30. Damn that's early, but I have to get up at that hour to make the train to San Francisco for a day of drinking. I set the alarm for 8 and for 8:30. Dan and Kristin go upstairs. God damn it I don't know how Dan does it.

It’s June. The pick up line for this month is:

I want to fuck you until your cuticles bleed.

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