2003-06-09 - 11:25 p.m.

Thursday at 7 pm at Cafe Roma on third Street there will be a poetry reading with Kristin Cofer, Josh Fernandez, Dan Glendening, Will Kaufman, Aisha Nouh, and Rob Roy. There will also be an open mic. There will also be a PARTY over at Dan's place afterwards when the reading ends at about 9:45 at secong and B. Skipping ahead a few days. I’ll get back to last week.

6/6

Friday I wake up in Sacramento. I hate waking up in Sacramento but my mother needs my help. She’s having tough times. Her car was totaled the other day. She has had the same car for over ten years. Her father gave it you her in her will so she is slightly traumatized. I’ll do what I can. I help my mother move some heavy material in the back yard. We are in the process of dismantling a building. I have to move this big bundle of roofing metal that ways a few hundred pounds. But as Pythagoras said, "give me a lever and I can move the world." I somehow drag all that metal a good 50 feet. This weekend is going to be tiring. Manual labor. Drinking. And dancing. And more drinking.

I give my mother a ride to wear she is supposed to pick up her new to her car. It's a 1981 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. It's old, but at least it's younger than me. She doesn't want a new car until they make an affordable electric van. My mother is a republican hippie. She likes big vehicles but she likes the least amount of gas consumption to happen as possible. If that means electric than lets get electric.

I head to Davis and start putting up flyers for the Write Club reading at Cafe Roma on third street which is happening Thursday June 12 at 7 pm. Afterwards we're going to have a party at Dan's place. Dan and I want as many people as possible to be there. The flyers say the featured performers: Kristin Cofer, Josh Fernandez, Dan Glendening, Will Kaufman, Aisha Nouh, and Rob Roy - Plus Poetry and Prose and Anything Goes Open Mic. Our idea is to change the concept of poetry readings. We don't want people to think of them as boring and pretentious. We want people to think of them as entertaining events. That's why everyone reading is a drunkard and a sexfiend to varying degrees.

I run into Dan and we head over to the Art building for the Graduate Art show. I walk in and look at the art. After I've already been there for 10 minutes this guy comes over and nervously asks me if I could place my backpack over against the wall by the entrance. I say, "Sure." Then I see that there is a little 8 by 11 sign sitting at this desk that asks everyone to do so. The sign is as coy as cancer symptoms. I tell Dan it's like whispering "no" during a raping.

Dan and I watch our friend Valerie G. do a performance art piece where she sang while watching dishes in this big fake kitchen set up. The kitchen really isn't that fake. It has real tiles and everything. It is art. Dan has the hots for Valerie and she is very nice. She's one of the main reasons why I am at the Art show, although I do like to check out the free art on campus. There is a piece of art at the show where one person at a time stands in this little closet structure that kind of feels like a bomb shelter. The name of the art gallery is called the Nelson, but because of the size of the room they renamed this one section of the gallery the 1/2 Nelson. A beautifully subtle joke. We have to wait in line in order to look at the art. This guy Jason stands behind me and Dan comes up and stands beside me. Jason says for Dan to get in line. It’s all very playful but I go off on a tirade about how awesome it would be for art to start more fights. Violence can be beautiful.

We talk to Valerie after her show. She garbs my goatee and says she loves it. She says my mustache is looking particularly good today. I think Mustaches are an acquired taste for women. All of these younger girls are telling me to shave it, but 26 year old Sarah (%%diary-slothra%%) and 28 year old Valerie like the facial hair. I'm a man before my time. Or maybe the older women of the world are looking out for the younger ones by making me think that I should keep my facial hair so the younger women won't be attracted to me. But I need an excuse for women not to be attracted to me. I need to have something to tell myself. I've been trying to get thinner. I've last 50 pounds and its not enough. When I get on a scale and I'm not medically overweight for the first time in my life then maybe I've shave my facial hair, but as of now I need a rationale for my loneliness. If I can't find an excuse for women not wanting me then I am just stuck on it being either my personality or the face and body I'm stuck with. And I don't feel like crying myself to sleep because I don't cry and I try not to sleep.

So anyway. At the gallery I see Marina, Miss Marny Hotpants from KDVS . She is also friends with Valerie. When Marina leaves I ask Valerie how she knows Marina. She says that when she met her she just new they were going to be friends. then she was feeling lonely a couple of times and she called up Marina and she was willing to hang out with her. Artists are always lonely because humans are always lonely and artists experience the human condition in a hyperbolic state.

Dan and I tell Valerie we will see her later and Dan takes me over to Valerie's bread room in another building. She has molded many people’s hands and then baked bread in the shape of pairs of hands cupped together. The floor is covered with flower and even though I have a horrible sense of smell (that doesn't mean I smell horrible) I can smell all the bread in the room.

I think I have to go to work at six so I walk to work and realize I have to be there at seven. So then I go and put up more flyers. I feel like a propaganda machine. I pit them in places that maybe I shouldn't - like in the windows of empty buildings that are going through reconstruction. In most cities it would be no big deal but Davis California is a fascist city run by conservative wannabe hippies. But I put up the flyers regardless of the consequences. Contrary to popular opinion I occasionally rebel against the status quo.

I go to work. I get a phone call from Hoang and Ihsan. I direct them to the party at the Warehouse of the art building. Aaron D. comes in to Ben and Jerry's. He always looks very uncomfortable when he is around me. Everyone from the California Aggie that isn't a friend of mine always looks uncomfortable around me. I don't bring it up with Aaron that I know he finds me sooooooooooooo annoying. I find myself annoying also so we have something in common besides rockstars in our own right.

Chris C. comes in and asks me where the party is at. I give him directions but he comes in a few minutes later with Dan. It’s almost ten O Clock. I ask if Dan has already started yet. Dan yells, "What do you think? I've been drinking since seven." But he gives me directions to Valerie’s house. He says that Valerie has a bunch of hot red headed friends from Alabama with her too. I then call up Honag and Ihsan and give them directions because I assume that is where the big party will be. I leave a message.

James comes in to the store with Annaliese at about 11 PM. He gets something new. A sorbet Splash - always gets a Rootbeer Float. It’s nice to see him change up a little bit. But I don't think he should be hanging out with Annaliese. I wish he would just realize it is over. He tells me that I is the back up hanger-outer because Todd was busy. He also once told me he is over Annaliese. James must have problems with telling time because getting laid by Annaliese is in past not in his future. I'm not saying they can't be friends I'm just that he has to have the mindset that they will just be friends and as long as they have that then things will be fine. He spends most of the time talking about Sarah and how she is probably on a date tonight. I say that she isn't going to put out though. And both James and I say, "Aaron B---n." Because we both know why she won't put out. Well, there are varying factors but we know one of them. Then James talks about how he thinks Teresa from KDVS may be into him. I chastise James because he thinks every woman is in to him Annaliese says, "They all are." But Teresa has a boyfriend. he says, "I don't like that you told Teresa I hate KDVS." I tell James he digs himself out of holes real easily and its fun to watch. He works well on his feet. Then he reminds me that I am a socialist because that cute girl Tonya is a socialist. Political parties have a direct connection to the penile erection.

James and Annaliese leave. James says he's going to wear a disguise to the party tomorrow. Rachel and I close the store as quick as possible. I drive to the party.

I walk inside and it is a very small party. Not even twenty people but it feels intimate. I walk in the room and Chris is there and so is Dan and they are screaming for me to get a drink. they say there is this guy Pete and he is crazy. They want me to get fucked up so I can be crazy too. Even though I'm pretty crazy when I’m sober. I get a beer from the fridge and start to be introduced to people. There is Maggie and Amy and Amanda - all friends with Valerie and all with varying shades of artificial red hair - just like Valerie has artificial red hair.

As I stand in the kitchen talking to Chris, Maggie comes running in yelling that someone is throwing waterballons into the yard. They want retaliation. They complain that they have no balloons I say. "Well, if you want vengeance. In this case, all you need is some condoms." The group gets excited and Valerie says, "I have a bag full of condoms." A bunch of people grab a condom and start filling them up. People talk about getting spermicidal lubricant on their hands. I mention the buzz it gives the lips when it is put on the mouth. Then I lick a condom with the spermicide on it. The sinks are too slow so Chris suggests we use the hose outside. Many people through but many of the condoms don’t make it over the fence. I say to Chris, "Rob Roy has been here five minutes and everyone is already making use of a condom. I’m not even drunk and look at the insanity I’m causing." Chris then takes me into the kitchen and pours me a big shot of Rum. He says to Amanda, a professional bartender living in Seattle, "One of the things about Rob is he will drink anything and not need a chaser. He’s not afraid of the liquor." I then talk to Amanda about being a bartender. I ask her if she does tricks. She doesn’t really need to be because she is cute enough to just get men to tip her on the basis that they hope to fuck her. Men should realize that bartenders are like strippers – they are never going to get to fuck them. Or at least I realize that I’m never going to get to fuck them.

I start to dance around and I dance a little bit with this graduate student named Heather. Then I talk to these two guys named Tom and Ernie and having nephews and then that leads into a conversation about the Beach boys because one of them married another members daughter.

I see that someone is drinking the new Michelob Ultra beer. I start going off on the similarities between Michelob Ultra and the brain washing serum the CIA invented in the 1940s called MK Ultra. I see that Chris looks discourage by the beer choice. I say that I have some Budweiser and Pabst Blue Ribbon in my car. It’s warm but its American so he’ll drink it. I run out and get it and toss it in the fridge.

I talk more to Amanda because she just made Dan a Mojeeto and I would like one. It’s the official mixed drink of Cuba. It sure has a lot of flavor to taste like communism. It has lime and mint and rum and soda water. Amanda doesn’t have ice or soda water so she has to modify the drink which she isn’t too pleased with. I ask her how often she makes a Rob Roy. She says she never has because no one has ordered one. Then she says that she thinks a Rob Roy is maid with grenadine and coke. I tell her it is made with Scotch Whiskey and vermouth. We are stubborn in our opinions. We both should know what the ingredients are. She makes her living by knowing what is a Rob Roy and I live as Rob Roy.

I sit down while Chris talks to some people in a group. My shirt is unbuttoned. Someone asks for a light so I take a lighter out my pocket. I really don’t smoke. I only smoke when offered and even then I barely inhale. I don’t smoke alone, but I don’t mind having something in my mouth. I bite hard on the butt and usual slobber al over it. I’m a messy smoker. But once I had the lighter out. Once I had a few beers and a few shots in me. I started to light my stomach hair on fire. Chris gave me the what-the-hell-are-you-doing-Rob look, but he didn’t stop me. I am to entertain even if that means I have to aim to inflame myself.

Chris says that he is going to walk home. It is a three mile walk. I wonder if he knows this, but I’m not leaving and I’m not driving. I am trying to flirt with the Alabama girls. Amanda has made a reference to her boyfriend, so even though she seems like the most approachable of the girls I don’t pursue her. Heather, the dancer, has left. Just as Tom and Ernie have gone out to wait for Tipsy taxi. Amy seems very nervous but she is intriguing. The only problem is it seems like Maggie wants to fuck her. Great artists are bisexual so it is easy to assume this.

I think I've decided that I'm bisexual. I just don't want to suck dick and I don't want men to suck mine. I also don't want to fuck a guy in the ass or have a guy fuck me in my ass. I also don't want hand jobs from men or really to kiss men. But I'm bisexual. I have kissed guys. It’s all in a drunken show but maybe there is a hidden meaning. I change my mind – I could probably genuinely kiss a man and enjoy it. And maybe give and receive a handjob. And maybe give and receive a blowjob. And maybe I should stop this line of thought before I concede to having a cock in my ass. But maybe I shouldn’t really admit to being bisexual because that would mean being rejected by the entire world population instead of just fifty-one percent. I could never date a man. I could only stand laying down with a woman on a regular basis. Maybe I’m just desperate because I can’t seem to find a woman that will invest any interest in me besides an occasional handful of flesh for a handful of hours.

While Dan and Valerie cuddle up alone on a cot out in the park yard Maggie starts talking about how Valerie has had a crush on a 21 year old for the last couple of days. I’m amused by this because Dan has had a crush on a 28 year old the last few days. Maggie runs out to the cot and plops on the pair. I go out to try to distract Maggie. Let’s let Dan work his magic. Maggie calls me Captain Hook as I stand above them and talk about the drunken exploits of the night.

We all get up and go inside and Maggie offers us some weed. I bust out my lighter and it takes 3 hits and I’m stoned. Good weed. Good weed like Good Golly Miss Molly my brain went on vacation to where the lives are alive with the sound of music and everything is green, green, green, and serene.

The early hours are accumulating on the clock. It’s getting to be a handful of fatigue. It’s after four in the morning. I fall asleep leaning against a wall for a couple of minutes and then go sit out on a lawn chair as Dan sleeps with Valerie on the hammock. I wake up a few hours later and Dan and Valerie are on the ground. I go inside and sleep on the floor. I wake up a few hours later and Dan and Valerie are sleeping beside on me on the floor. I wake up a few hours later and can't drift back into sleep.

We all wake up and look at each other. Valerie asks me how I got the scar on my head. I say, "well the first thing you have to know is my father is a horrible man." Valerie says she doesn't want to hear the story. I then say I'm just kidding and talk about my car accident and brain damage and how I got even uglier than I already am. We all get up and we look at the kitchen and there are beer bottles everywhere. This blonde girl Marrie talks about how Ernie was passed out in the bike lane last night at 4 in the morning. The cops came while I was passed out. They came to complain about the noise. Maggie yelled at that about people throwing water balloons. I stand up and look at the clock and say, "It’s 11 am. In ten hours I’ll be getting drunk again."

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